The Clever DJ

Building a Healthy Relationship with your Mentor and fellow DJs - Ep #29

• Ilia & Nino • Episode 29

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What does it take to truly succeed in the DJ industry? Discover the secrets of building robust relationships with mentors and business partners in this episode of Clever DJ. We welcome Nino back from his sister's wedding celebration and dive into the intricate dynamics of mentorship. From the importance of being attentive and following instructions to finding that sweet spot between professionalism and authenticity, we share stories of our own experiences that shaped our approach to mentorship and collaboration. Learn how to navigate different working styles and maintain good vibes while ensuring top-notch performances.

Ever wondered how to balance taking initiative with respecting boundaries? We explore the delicate art of mentor-student dynamics, especially when handling expensive DJ equipment. By sharing our encounters with mentors who displayed a spectrum of personalities—friendly, territorial, or bossy—we highlight the lessons learned from each scenario. Staying focused and present, particularly when multitasking, is a recurring theme that underscores the importance of avoiding mishaps. We also discuss how some mentor relationships blossom into friendships, while others stay strictly professional, and why both can be equally valuable.

In the cutthroat world of the DJ and music industry, clear communication and understanding each other's intentions can make or break professional relationships. We share a specific incident where miscommunication led to tension, illustrating the need for transparency and cautious trust-building. Authenticity emerges as a crucial element, with genuine interactions paving the way for meaningful connections and opportunities. Tune in to hear our advice on balancing trust and skepticism, bringing value to every collaboration, and why being real and honest is the only sustainable path in this industry.

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Ilia:

How's it going, everyone? Welcome back to another episode of Clever DJ with Ilya.

Nino:

And Nino. Welcome back, guys. It's great to be back.

Ilia:

I'm back from a vacation. My sister got married.

Nino:

I actually was gonna just ask you, man, how was your vacation man?

Ilia:

25 days away on the beach wedding. The DJ was amazing, Nice, nice.

Ilia:

A lot, yeah, ethnic stuff or everything, everything, everything it was just like I mean, that guy really knew what he was doing. It was just very impressive and I thought, you know, I'll be like on his case, I, you know, hoping that he's not gonna screw up the wedding. And he made a couple of mistakes here and there with some, some things, but he was a very, very good DJ. Solid, very solid. That's good, solid guy. All all the vendors, I, just my sister is so.

Nino:

I saw the pictures. Man, they're fire. Man, yeah, they're a fire. Thank you.

Ilia:

Thank you. Yeah, it was amazing. It was an amazing event and, yeah, she's just very, very like organized. She knows how to throw events, she knows how to organize trips. Like obviously her wedding is going to be amazing, yeah.

Nino:

It looked amazing by the pictures and the videos and stuff.

Ilia:

Yeah, yeah, man. So another special episode. Special episode For the Clever DJ. What's new? Another special episode, special episode For the Clever DJs what's new? So today, this is an episode that I think we should have done a long time ago, but I think it's coming in the right time. It's okay. Yeah, how to build a healthy relationship with your mentor and just other business partners. So, let's say, somebody who took you on, like you know, took me on. Uh, there's other people I started working with throughout this uh journey of mine as a beginner for the last couple of years, and then there are other people that were on my level and I had to build a relationship, a professional relationship and also a friendship, with them. Where are the? Where are the landmines? Where are the like? Oh, you shouldn't have stepped there, you shouldn't have said that, yeah, like, what should you say?

Ilia:

What should you not say? How should you behave? What is too much? Sometimes people are very, very free and care like easy going, and it can really that's me, rick you can really bite them in the ass, yeah, and sometimes they're very careful and then that can bite them in the ass because they're not become, they're not their true selves, exactly. Yeah, there's just so many things about this topic and we're gonna get into it right now for you guys. Yeah, so let's start with the first point. You, you, you take, you, take it.

Nino:

Well, as a beginner, dj uh, you with your mentor, you need to watch and follow instructions very carefully and you are really really good at that.

Ilia:

And, um, especially in the beginning, mostly in the beginning, yes, yes, I can see you're trying not to say that, but I know I kind of like went my way after the first few gigs.

Nino:

Be very attentive, step back and see how things are done with your mentor, right, because every DJ does things their own way. Now, the final product may be the same, but everything's done differently in different, uh, different ways. All together, right? So um just make sure that you just listen and don't um just do things like he how he wants it done.

Ilia:

Pretty much right, so do things the way he wants it done yes, exactly exactly.

Ilia:

Um, yeah, so made a little joke there earlier, but uh, uh, the way, the way it started with us is obviously big opportunity for me. Someone with 20 years plus is taking me on and is promising to teach me everything I need to know. Uh, you know, taking me to all these gigs, I get behind the scenes Um, here's all my music, here's this, here's that, and I don't want to lose this opportunity. So I'm completely usually I make jokes Usually like you know.

Nino:

Yeah, you were very careful at the beginning.

Ilia:

Yeah, usually like I, you know, I'll say whatever comes to mind, but I was not myself. For the first, what three, four or five gigs at least I noticed that I was very like timid. Yes, sir, yeah, I'll do this. Yeah, do you need help with that? And that's how you should be. Yeah, very, with us it's a different story. We just clicked. But we became good friends almost right away. Yeah, but I had, I had, encounters with other DJs who did not appreciate certain things that were perfectly fine with us and at first I was like all djs are like that. No, you know, they're not gonna mind. And I learned. I learned I wouldn't say the hard way. Everything is fine with all the people I worked with, but it's because I caught it.

Nino:

I caught on, you know, pretty early oh no, at the end of the day it's it's a business, right, and they want things done their way, right. So, but for me, I was a little bit more relaxed, and just as long as everything was uh, like good, good vibes, right, everybody's having a good time, and everybody was on the same page, and the final result was the same, I'm good with it. Here's an example.

Ilia:

I wasn't sure I was gonna say that, but I'm just gonna say it. It I'm going to fall on the knife, on the sword, whatever you say, whatever they call that. I remember at least on two different occasions I walked up to a table and I asked them either what song they wanted or something like I, whatever it was. I'm very good with people. It's very easy for me to to get the response I want, so I was very confident when it came to that. It was great. I did the right thing during that event. It proved to be the right thing to do. Everyone loved it. But the thing is, whether they did or didn't, it was a big risk to take. Most DJs or any business really won't appreciate you going as a trainee and speaking to the clients like you know, like they're, like they're yours. You never know what they like for us.

Nino:

We think what's this guy gonna say to these guys? Right, and I just went I didn't ask you yeah, I know don't worry, I got this you know you're, you're good, you're, and I knew you were a good. Uh, you were a people person sort of thing, right, but, um, anybody else would be like what's's this guy doing? What are you talking to them? And it could really, you know, piss off the DJ because it's their client, right? So why are you doing that? So some people will take that to offense.

Ilia:

Because you let me have my free, like let me roam free pretty much and do what I do best. It led to pretty awesome moments. Do what I do best. It led to pretty awesome moments Like that's when that older Italian lady yes, pretty much explained in Italian to the rest of the table she wants certain songs, and then they told me that I went and told you that we played those songs for her. I went there and dance with her.

Nino:

Yeah, and that was the moment of of, like the actual wedding. I think that made it the main.

Ilia:

Yeah, like we both created it. Yeah, I went and you know, got some recon. You got the intel right. Yeah, came to you and you just executed it professionally.

Nino:

It was a great moment. You went down and danced with them and everything, and that was great Singing with them.

Ilia:

It was just yeah, but like that's, that's my thing, that's what I do. Some people don't have that skill. They're great DJs, like I mean the great song selection, you know. Transitions are really like really cool and professional, but they can't interact with the crowds like that.

Nino:

Then again, you have to be very careful with who you're, who you're working with you have to know it can really backfire. Yeah, it can. It can, so just can. It can, so just be. We have to read them first if it's okay with them, and don't be afraid to ask questions, right?

Ilia:

that's the next point. Sponge everything you see, ask wow, you're a lot and ask lots of questions.

Nino:

Um, when you have one, um, take everything in, yeah, yeah what I mean by sponging everything is just just watch and just, uh, just survey everything. Right, you don't have to understand what they're doing at the time, maybe you don't right, but, um, as you're watching you, you, you just get to know, like, what's okay, this is what he's doing, okay, this is this is, this is the outcome. Okay, oh, that was cool. So you're, you're just kind of getting a feel of the actual person and how they work and do things. So sponge it just like. Ask questions, be in the moment, like in the moment of the actual what's, what's going on with everything?

Ilia:

yeah, so no one to see and take it in and no one to speak and ask a question. Yeah, sometimes you just have to memorize it, write it down. You can't just interact with the, the person that's teaching you 24-7.

Nino:

Because, of course, we're busy doing all this stuff, but there are no stupid questions. Ask a question If you have a question about why do you do this? Why do you press this button and not this button? Well, this is how I'm going to show you what to do right, and why do you do this? Why do you do it this way and not this way?

Ilia:

I'm like, well, this is how it's done and just, it's just how, how it's supposed to be right, and normally a beginner would think you'll think I'm stupid if I'll ask him that question. Well, he knows you're a beginner, yeah, and he knows you're there to learn yeah, there are no stupid questions, it's just you know.

Ilia:

The question that wasn't asked was yeah, it's stupid not to ask it, because that's probably what's going to make you look worse. If you're just standing there and not asking anything, not inquiring cause he'll think you don't care. He or she will think you don't care or that you're not getting it, you're just being quiet.

Nino:

If you're, if you're the shy type and're going to learn right Quickest way you're going to learn.

Ilia:

So this is a very important one. I put it right out after that point because it goes well with it. So it's all obviously very overwhelming, but don't give into the stress. All right, like if you're shy or if maybe you're a very like, different type of person and you have to be different with, with the, that environment you're in.

Nino:

yeah, don't let that take over, you like I'm just saying this, but a lot of djs nowadays are introverts, right and um, sometimes you can't. You have being out in the public eye, playing in front of people. You gotta kind of let yourself go out, get out there a little bit more. So you got to be extrovert in that moment, right. So you got to, you got to kind of get out of your shell, sort of thing, right.

Ilia:

And what I was trying to get at earlier. That's a good point. But what I was getting at with this point was that it's overwhelming, it's stressful and you'll want to ask a lot of questions and double-check and triple-check if you did something right or if you understood something. But keep in mind, as much as that mentor wants you there or understands you have to be there, even if they maybe don't like somebody coming with them. But they have to train you. They want you to be independent and not to have to babysit you eventually yeah, throughout the event. So they'll understand in the beginning that you know you have questions like maybe you need to be babysat a little bit, but they need to. They need just the right hand person and to show them that you're there to help and not to just kind of leech off of them for the event, uh, and provide real value, right you keep saying that is implied real value.

Nino:

You showed your value when you started off with me because you you actually like the speakers right. I actually would ask you where do you think that's like the second or third gig? I was like, where do you think I should we should put the speakers and this is very important for a newbie right. So how did you feel when I asked you that?

Ilia:

So that's one of the I don't. I don't know, maybe I don't remember correctly, but I don't think I ever decide. I ever came forward and said, hey, the speaker should be here, or hey, let me do put that speaker over here. No, so you went and asked me, you gave me the chance, but it would have been better if, gig two or gig three, I just opened up the stands and put the speaker, put the stand here, start setting up the speaker. You'll be like be like, okay, I didn't have to ask him. He knows he saw me doing it a couple times, right. So when you asked me, I was like, hmm, I probably should have been, I probably should have done it, so you won't have to ask me. That's, that's the first thing that went through my mind.

Nino:

Yeah, if for me but for another person, another dj, it might go the other way around. Yeah, you kind of understand. Some of them don't even like you touching don't touch my equipment yet right you don't, I know you don't know where to put anything right, but again gauge who you're with exactly.

Ilia:

It goes back to the first uh, first point, yeah, are they friendly? Are, are you? Did you build a special connection with them like you know, like a relationship with them? Um, maybe they're your friends already. Yeah, right, maybe right. Uh, are they very territorial? Are they very like ocd about their gear? Yeah, exactly use common sense. We're not going to go over every little thing, right, but um, we are going over quite a bit though, but it's okay, this is a.

Nino:

This is an episode on its own.

Ilia:

Yeah, so it's. This could be just that. One point could be its own episode. Yeah, yeah and um, yeah, I just honestly. I realized that you're already gonna ask me more questions, so I started rushing through like what else is he gonna ask me? I'm gonna come up with the answer ahead of time because I wanted you to learn, right, I'm.

Nino:

I'm there to teach you and you're there to learn. So I'm like, okay, I gotta make sure this guy knows what what to do, like for for next gigs, right? So he shows value and yeah.

Ilia:

So then you know, at the end of gig I go home and I'm thinking, okay, so today we did this, this that I I just made, made mental notes, some things I even written down and I was like, next gig I'm going to make sure I do this by myself, that by myself, because I already saw you were comfortable.

Nino:

And you did yeah, you did, you set up the speaker stands. I'm like, oh okay, this guy knows how to open. A lot of things were like opening the speaker stands, because people do that reverse and like I don't I had some experience with av work, so well, you have value there, you know right, I liked that.

Ilia:

You were impressed when I started handling the wires and like all the, all the gear and you're like, okay, so he knows what he's doing. But you know, the the odd time I would like connect it to the wrong input. You know, and, um, it happened, it happened, even recently. It happened. It's okay, it's the way it is. Yeah, so, and you know what. I didn't write it down, but that's something really important. I remember connecting something really incorrectly, one gig, uh, and that that wasn't enough. Then I did it again next week. Remember, wasn't with you, but I told you. By the way, I did it again. Yeah, yeah, you know what was the main reason? I was on my phone or I was doing something else, you're distracted fully.

Ilia:

You weren't fully there, right so it's like a new driver who's like texting while they're driving. I'm not saying anyone should do that, but if you're brand new, yeah, probably focus on the road, because you don't have much of that skill of that multitasking right.

Nino:

Again, it's just being in the moment, being there, present right.

Ilia:

Yeah, same thing with like anything really multitasking, like you're doing something you probably should do. Only that, right? Yeah, exactly.

Nino:

Especially if you're there to learn it too right. It's kind of not very it's disrespectful to be on your phone or whatever, doing something else when you're here to learn from a mentor.

Ilia:

Yeah, so I remember I was even like kind of showing you my screen in the beginning, so you'll see that I'm either making notes or taking videos for you or whatever so you'll know I'm not just messing around.

Nino:

Yeah, I know.

Ilia:

So that lasted about three or four gigs and then we just like really hit it off, became almost like very close friends right away and yeah, but it's not likely going to be the case for every person, right, going to be the case for every person, right? I had another um mentor who you know, I've gotten to know him over the gigs and everything and one of the venues. So we were, we already had some sort of like relationship, but he was more type a personality and when we were working I could tell that he's like bossy. I'm like, okay, he likes being bossy, I'll let him like bossy. I'm like, okay, he likes being bossy, I'll let him be bossy. Right, like I'll, I'll let him. You know, as long as he respects me and you know, doesn't overdo it, I'll let him be boss. Man, that's what he wants, right?

Ilia:

I worked with another another, uh, actually a female DJ, not didn't get a chance to work with many of those, but she has a huge business and same she likes things done her way. If she said something, don't try to go and be creative. If you want to go and ask her to go and suggest something, don't just go in and do it. That's what I was thinking, because she will not appreciate it, and that's not that she is a bad DJ or a bad mentor. That's her style.

Nino:

That's her personality too. That's what she wants done. She took the time to make this business how it is right, and it is what it is because of how she does things. So that's how she sees it.

Ilia:

So you know, djs with a team, with an entourage like that usually build this business over many years, many, many years, at the very least, five to seven years, but likely 10 to 15, 20 years. Right, most of the people with your um caliber of, like you know, a number of weddings and, uh, the team you have, um, you know, available 15 to 20 years and um, don't think you're going to go there and just take over, yeah, and like you know, okay, you know what I got a better way, let's do it this way. Respect it. Right, this is their baby, this is their, this is their hard work over many years, exactly. So some of them won't appreciate you just kind of jumping in and starting making decisions for them and exactly, just read the room yes, right.

Ilia:

Like sometimes you can be overly excited.

Nino:

This guy is very excited. He's very gung-ho.

Ilia:

Yeah, very passionate. I'm going to prove myself.

Nino:

Yeah, I'm going to learn how to do weddings in three months. Yeah, how long has it been?

Ilia:

Yeah, so that's the thing. You can be passionate, you can be assert. How long has it been? Yeah, so that's the thing. Like it's, you can be passionate, you can be assertive, you can be like all those good things, but understand that they may not be feeling your vibe the way you're feeling your vibe. It will come off the wrong way. So there's no one size fits all. No, it's different. Read the room, understand who you're working with, build a relationship. And for those who can't really read people, it's hard for you guys, you know what? Too bad. That's a very important skill in this industry.

Nino:

So work on it, Work on it. It's just like reading a crowd You're going to have.

Ilia:

We want to learn how to DJ right Number one thing is to learn how to what they want, so you're gonna have to read the crowd and to give you a tip and not kind of like that's too bad if you can't, like I literally feel people's kind of what they want, what they need, it's easy for me. It's like it's almost like you're talking to me but you're not talking to me. I can just tell but. But if you can't, then ask, ask, ask, inquire, right. A lot of people I worked with who are beginners like even way more beginners than myself, who now want to come with me to gigs, which is really cool Um, they're just quiet the whole time and I feel like, are they like bored?

Nino:

or something.

Ilia:

And then at the end I'm like, oh sorry, we didn't want to bug you. I'm like you should have bugged me.

Nino:

Yeah, it shows that you, you're, you're, you want to learn right. Then you're there to learn Right.

Ilia:

So we're all creative individuals. We'll have lots of amazing skills and you'll want to sell yourself to the person. Um, I came up to you. I'm like, oh, I'm, you know, I do this, I do this, I do this.

Ilia:

Well, I just told you I'm a beginner producer. I'm sure I can help you. I didn't start telling you I play guitar, I play piano, I sing. I didn't tell you all that. I said I'm a you know, hobbyist, beginner producer Like I I. I know it well enough that I can support your business and and maybe teach you something that you might not know. I'm not sure if you're a producer, but I would love you to. I would love if you taught me how to DJ.

Nino:

Yeah, that's actually what got me interested, because you're thinking of producing, yeah, and you like that, and I didn't know that about him.

Ilia:

That wasn't my skill of knowing people. I just got lucky right and it was a very good area to take a shot with.

Ilia:

Yeah, it sparked a conversation that I was uh and it's, you know, it rolled into this sort of thing our, our situation, our relationship right now and actually, like normally, I'd be very happy to tell people what I can do, because I just, like you know, I wouldn't say I'm arrogant, but I'm just happy to like show my skills. And uh, I wasn't like that with you, like I I was, I was very careful to slowly show you my skills and what I can do. And if let's say, let's say, if I screwed up something small during gig, then the next gig I will show you something I can do that you didn't know that I could do, right, so always have that leverage. Don't sell yourself right away with everything you can do. Use that. Have a few things up your sleeve right and don't overwhelm that person. That person already knows you want to work with them. All right, if they'll need you, if they want you, they'll have you on the team. Yeah, so we already went over the not taking over someone's business.

Ilia:

So I had that incident with someone wanted to be partners and you brought it up twice and you know I don't appreciate that and you, you misunderstood. I just wanted to subcontract you and I was like, what is she saying? She completely misunderstood me. What I told her was that I just wanted to partner in such a way that she said she wanted to do certain things in life that she couldn't because the all of her clients, her DJ business, were consuming her life and she didn't have time with the kids or anything else she wanted to do. So I said, hey, how about I help with those areas? It's still your business. I'll just get more experience. Right? You know, I like our relationship, uh, the way we met through another DJ, through the other DJ I was telling you about, um, when she needed someone last minute and I said yes to that gig, uh, and we just, we just hit it off. But then I had no idea how she was feeling about that thing I brought up a couple of times because maybe with her personality I was too fast and loose with that, with that, with that, with that uh offer. He understood me right away when I offered that to him. You knew exactly what I meant and you liked it Right. I helped you with certain things. You know you, you weren't upset about it unless you can tell me, okay.

Ilia:

But with her, she, she took a very kind of strong stance like hey, don't, don't think you can take over my business, my baby, yeah, but again, I, I spoke to her, I explained to her what I really meant and she and she understood, she apologized. She said that you know she's been, you know people try to piggyback, piggyback on her and her business. In the past she's been, she's been burned before. Yeah, and it happens a lot when you have a successful business and somebody else is trying to like kind of piggyback on you and take, take credit for what you did Right, or like try to kind of step over you to succeed. And that's not what I was trying to do and luckily we had the chance to talk about it. So be careful with that. Yeah, worse, all right.

Nino:

So next point Don't open up fully with every person you start working with right, because you'll be surprised. You never know what ulterior motives they have. Right, yeah, kind of like what, what they're really like.

Ilia:

So I worked with some people or or almost worked with some people who I thought were going to be really awesome. They're very friendly and in this industry it's a very cutthroat industry. Anything music, creative, you know it's you gotta be careful. A lot of people here will step on you to to get ahead. Yeah.

Nino:

It's tough.

Ilia:

But there's also a lot of cool people. There are A lot of awesome people, especially in the underground scene, like a lot of cool people I met more like awesome people than not, but the ones who weren't awesome, um yeah, I'm like why? Why are you like that?

Nino:

It's just, it's just so upsetting that somebody would be this evil to get ahead. You know, some people are just like that.

Ilia:

Some people are just desperate or just just hate and they will put up a facade to just have you believe something, just to get a client or a gig from you or to get close to you so you can introduce them to your contacts. Don't open up that quickly to people in this industry. But also it's, it's a it's a double-edged sword.

Nino:

Yeah, you have to give them a benefit of the doubt, right?

Ilia:

at the beginning.

Nino:

When you, when you first meet someone, you got to give them a benefit of doubt until something weird happens. Yeah, you got to watch your back still too. At the end of the day, watch your back especially when you have a huge business.

Ilia:

I mean, did you know that guy was going to betray you when you, when you got out of that deal you had with a big company? No, no, but like, and you have, like what, 15, 20 people working for you? Something is bound to happen sometime somewhere, right, yeah. So, whether they work for you or somebody wants to join your team, you know and do what you're doing together, like and maybe expand with you. Just be careful. People, um, are not always what they seem. Yes, and this is true to really everything in life, but right now we're, uh, we're speaking mostly about ding, yeah. Last point, just kind of to close this off. I know, I know we spoke about it. I think we did. Yeah, we did. But again, learn who's the person that you're working with in depth Right now. That person is your gateway. If you're an absolute beginner.

Nino:

You're a stepping stone, pretty much, and footing your door right yeah.

Ilia:

That person said they'll teach you. That person said they'll get you gigs. That person said that they'll hook you up with some stuff. Make sure that you are not just kind of wasting their time and that you're really there to learn. You never know when they're going to replace you with someone else, because maybe you're not cutting it, maybe they just need to build a team quicker, right? So it's nothing personal. Make sure that you bring value. That's extremely important.

Ilia:

You care to learn too, right, and yeah, that's a very good thing you wrote Be transparent.

Nino:

That's number one. You were transparent with me. You told me that you didn't know anything about DJing. Well, you had a controller. But you said I'm willing to learn.

Ilia:

I'm not getting this. I'm not understanding.

Nino:

Yeah.

Ilia:

What I was trying to say was I didn't know beat matching back then, and in the beginning I wasn't too transparent. I was kind of I don't know your personality. I had no idea you're such a jokester like myself. But yeah, like, as soon as I became who I was, yeah, right, in this case it was great. Same with the other djs who don't have you know your personality or like the way we mesh, so, so, so great. I just you know, I, I tone it down with them, but I still, I'm still who I am. Yes, because if you're not real, if you're not who you really are, you're not gonna keep it up for much longer. No, and they're gonna see right through that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, don't be fake. Yeah, don't be fake. Don't be fake. Be true to yourself, be real with them and real opportunities will come your way.

Nino:

Yes, that's why I took you seriously. Yeah, in the first place, right, right, and he needs me.

Ilia:

I need you All, right. Well, thank you. This is another episode of the Clever DJ. Another special episode, by the way, special, all special. Thank you very much for joining us and see you next. See you guys, next time.